im on vacation from library land this first week of june
and already this quickened time off from work draws me
into a reverie about the last unplanned vacation from my job.
in my twenties, i was taking classes in the healing arts
body work all the while working in sales at the local
the parallels did not intersect then.
my vocation in massage therapies
i have not reconciled to self or
the resume since.
during this earlier vacation
i registered for a week long intensive
and what came up for me through the body
was recollection of sexual trauma
and mental brokeness in my psychic life.
i birthed through the crisis
these memories haunt me with certain similarities of
pace, precipice and unknowing on this vacation
this life journey has been scenic and winding
from my silences and not knowing
to say aloud
“i am alone in the apartment with a three year old
and the tv is set on”
if i feel angry; i wont feel lonely
if i feel sad; i wont feel lonely
if i sleep and wake up; mom and dad will be home by then, maybe
this week i was introduced to a group of women,
one was korean
who could see me
become flesh in the course of a conversation
where the heart opens
her compassion made visible to her
what was under the surface of my body
the disconnection and diversity of the personal experience
was set to language as she had perspective on the
generation of korean families who immigrated in the mid 70s
and i knew that we rode in on a wave
we expressed a zeitgeist of that time
this disconnection worthy of integration
has been deformed in my development.
a colleague of dominican republican culture
saw how she could help me with
such an introduction over afternoon tea
it is frightening to be so good
with invisibility and
cries, chants and vibrations ripple
through the world with self at the center of it.