Without the radio

the three words i used to obsess about was
“i love you”
the declaration was
a pronouncement of hyper emotion
a subconscious desire to evoke affection and ardor

the “i love yous”
have neutralized with use in broad daylight
at the ends of phone lines
and in the frames of door ways

i now obsess over uttering

“i feel hurt when…”
“i don’t feel safe”
“i cringe when i hear your voice”
“i don’t want to please just you, anymore”

“i want you to go away….
until i need my car fixed”
“i depend on you
to take care of me
and i hate you”

“i can’t tell if i feel rejected or
that i am rejected/rejectable”

“if i shut my mouth, am i being healthy?
if i open my mouth, am i being healthy?”

“self hatred arises from this love”

“was the self loathing here,
before or after you appeared?”,
rhetorical question.

Text copyright ©2011 by Hae Jung Kwon. All rights reserved.

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About heartbluestockings

All posts are original intellectual property. Copyright 2010 Hae Jung Kwon. All rights reserved.
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