Rising falling breathing

“Try for a moment to accept the idea that you are not what you belive yourself to be, that you overestimate yourself, in fact, that you lie to yourself.  That you always lie to yourself every moment, all day, all your life.” – Jeanne De Salzmann

The above mentioned quote is from the book Halfway Up the Mountain: The Error of Premature Claims to Enlightenment” by Mariana Caplan, www.Hohmpress.com.   The trade sized paperback  has contributions from: Charles Tart, Andrew Cohen, Arnaud Desjardins, Joan Halifax, Robert Svoboda, Reginald Ray, Jakusho Kwong Roshi and others. 

First page:  Student: What is enlightenment?  Suzuki Roshi :  What do you want to know for?  You may not like it.

Last page: Sahaja is the perfected reality which is the birthright of everyone, the only natural state- the “pearl of great price” that costs no less than one’s very life.  This is the real spiritual life: the life of total annihilation and the return to just what is.

Copyright 2010 Hae Jung Kwon. All rights reserved.
The collected interviews from such a broad panel of philosophers, gurus, psychologists helped me realize how I had romanticized the spiritual life as one of a cultivated blissful state for my personal spiritual comfort.  I can’t remember in what chapter but there is one story relating the submission to the spiritual life to having to pay in order to play the lottery, winning the lottery prize and only to then give every single dollar away with not even a dime for yourself.

While working at the library, I realized that the near perfect attention I thought I wanted from my coworkers and friends to this blog and my writing is a trap.  The attention is too much of a distraction and is besides the point to what could come through me.  What comes to the blog inevitably is one draft of the monkey mind. 

In trying to meet a standard to write regularly, I practice writing , live out paradoxes and realize the difference in midwifery for the various projects I am preparing to take on as I grow stronger and surrendered as a writer.  Blogging helped me realize that I also wanted a venue to think more deeply and carry in my womb a “child”  for  a longer gestation.  The work needs to go underground to find roots and water below the grounds and the graves.

Copyright 2010 Hae Jung Kwon. All rights reserved.

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About heartbluestockings

All posts are original intellectual property. Copyright 2010 Hae Jung Kwon. All rights reserved.
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6 Responses to Rising falling breathing

  1. Patricia Williams says:

    Blog as spiritual practice: I am so glad you’re doing this, and doing it so elegantly and interestingly.

    You are inspiring me to find my own way out of the nonverbal cave back to the world of words. Not that the cave is bad (I rather like it!), but it’s too tempting for me to live there…

    A question for myself: my rejection of words: what am I afraid of?

    • Your willingness to share your interior journey is a confidence I value. Your question to self inspires me to share from one of my most treasured titles in my personal library. It’s the translation by M.D. Herter of Rainer Maria Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet, where he expressed it best in his correspondence to a young poet “be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and to love the *questions themselves* like locked rooms and books that are written in a foreign tongue. Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live, everything, *Live *the questions now.

      Perhaps you will then gradually without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within yourself the possibility of shaping and forming as a particularly happy and pure way of living; train yourself to it- but take whatever comes up with great trust, and if only it comes out of your own will, out of some need of your inmost being, take it upon yourself and hate nothing. ”

      • Patricia Williams says:

        Amazing that you mention Rilke, because Chris just gave me a book of his poems and letters, including the one you quoted, for my birthday (different translation, though).

        I value your sharing and your confidences as well. Glad we are on this journey together.

  2. Patricia Williams says:

    I started a blog! You have definitely influenced me to start writing again, thank you. Please take a look: pinkotterparty.blogspot.com

    I hope you don’t find the “Engrish” off-putting, it’s a persona and I don’t intend any disrespect. I actually love engrish and see it as a kind of dialect, very rich and full of humor and truth. My mom speaks it very well, and I find I slide into it like a favorite t-shirt when I am talking with her and feeling comfortable.

    • OMG!!!! I think Pink Otter Party (POP) is awesome. The engrish and personae are a part of our cultural upbringing and I am so happy that you are one to bring it to the table with all of its cuteness and righteousness. From the community and lineage of writers we have so many voices and ranges that await for our attention, Your creativity has always been a light for me.

  3. Patricia Williams says:

    THANK YOU!!! All kind words and compliments accepted free of charge! 🙂

    I think Write Heart Left Brain is awesome and look forward to reading each new post. You are full of surprises!

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